I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize