Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
