do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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