you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
