Fuck appropriateness.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
