it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
