I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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