dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There are leaves in my underwear?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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