cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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