hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
