White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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