I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
