They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
