Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
