We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this boner is exhausting
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
