I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
