Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
