She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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