It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
