Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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