I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We left the knife in your bed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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