Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
