The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love having hate sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
