My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
