Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
