He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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