Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
