he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
