dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
