Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
