If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
