oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
