2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
