Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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