i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
