Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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