i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
