Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
