At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The ass gains better be worth it
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