Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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