I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
