I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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