I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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