I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
