what if every blade of grass was a penis?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
