I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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