What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
