we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
is that a dick in a sweater?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
