That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i now understand why vodka
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
