If i come over, it means nothing
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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