She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
