I wanna passion pit in your ass
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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