i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
