Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize