Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
