The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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