She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
