put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
