I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
