the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
