When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
